Tantric Sex: A Lover's Dance

Sex means different things to different people, however, sex can be a deepening of communication and connection. Tantric sex in particular is something that has been practiced for millennia, to explore deeper intimate connections, with or without penetration. A lot of healing practices and processes have been adapted from tantric sex, for instance orgasmic meditation, mindful masturbation and tantric yoga. All of this is for the focus of sexual and intimate energy. Most importantly on tantric sex, is the formation of a mind, body and sexual connection with your partner or partners. For the purposes of this entry, I will be writing from the assumption that I am referring to two people, however, this entry can be used as tips for a multi-people experience too. Like the title suggests, this is a lovers dance, however many.

Take up position, facing each other, one partner sits cross legged, whilst the other partner sits on their lap wrapping their ankles around their body.

Get comfortable in position, and find below 4 tips for tantric sexual pleasure:

1. Adapted Soul Gazing

Originally during tantric sex, soul gazing or eye gazing means gazing into the eyes of your partner and experiencing the full might of your emotions and connection. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and so this by extension means that also being able to see the emotions your partner is feeling and experiencing the connection from formation to solidity. With my adapted version, the soul gazing happens whilst another activity that creates a deeper connection also happens. Here I recommend three things, a gentle neck massage, a breast massage or a hand massage. These can be done with any massage oil, massage gel or massage lube.

a. with the neck massage, whichever partner (let's call them Partner 1) can go first and gently and softly massage the other partner's (let's call them Partner 2) neck whilst keeping eye contact. Partner 2 can also massage the neck of Partner 1 and the massages happen simultaneous, still maintaining eye contact.

b. with the breast massage, Partner 1 must cup Partner 2's breasts and gentle fondle and caress them. Slowly explore the breast and gentle massage them, paying attention to each other and maintaining eye contact. From the base of the breast to the nipples. This massage is effective for all kinds of breasts, those with lots of breast (fat) tissue and those with little fat tissue but have muscle tissue more.

c. with the hand massage, Partner 1 must take Partner 2's hand and gently massage from the palm to the fingers. Every part of the hand must be given attention, whilst maintaining eye contact. Slowly and gently, feel each other's hands.

The trick is for to keep eye contact whilst your bodies feel each other. This is a process of opening yourselves up to each other, but understanding that the body is led by the mind, hence the importance of keeping eye contact. This also builds great sexual tensions, and sexual auras shine through colliding with physical, and that tantalizes the body and creates connection that bore intimacy.

2. Breath work

Usually during tantric sex there is what is called the "hands-on-heart" circuit. This basically, means each partner putting their right hand over one another's hearts and focus on their breathing whilst maintaining eye contact. What I suggest for my adapted method is touching, body contact and grinding whilst focusing on breathing and maintaining eye contact. Bring each other close in, pelvis and lower torso touching and gazing into each other's eyes. Start by touching, massaging and rubbing gently, from the upper back to the bum, from the bum to the thighs, outer thighs to inner thighs, from the shoulders to the arms, maintaining eye contact and synched breathing. Then, introduce grinding. Slowly anchoring each other's bodies, grinding, moving the body mass with each other's gravity, maintaining eye contact and breathing.

3. Deeper foreplay

This is a continuation of the above tip. Introduce kissing, at this point eye contact is allowed to break as now the connection has been established, but regular eye contact will have to be established in order to maintain it. Each partner should let their lips explore their partner's body. Softly. Slowly. Gently. Caressing and touching. At this point, massaging of one another's genitals can take place. Slowly stimulating each other. Even oral play may be introduced.

4. Rhythm and edging

What is important here is the maintenance of stimulation and the rhythm. At this point, penetration if wanted can be introduced, through penile penetration or a dildo. The position may even change throughout the intercourse. What is also crucial at this stage is the edging method. What this method does is that, you bring each other to the edge of an orgasm, then change rhythm and stimulation to delay it. Once it has been delayed, you can bring each other to the edge once again, once reached change rhythm. This requires fluctuation in stimulation. Other people prefer the stop-start version of edging, where the edge of orgasm has been reached, the stimulation of the area that was being stimulated is stopped and and another area is stimulated. For instance, being on the edge of a vaginal orgasm whilst being penetrated. Then altogether the penetration is ceased but now the clitoris is gently stimulated by the penis or dildo through grinding. Once that edge is reached, penetration is introduced again. This can also be done with cunnilingus, fellatio, kissing, nipple stimulation and anal stimulation. You can mix it up as you please.

The whole idea behind tantric sex is enjoying yourself, opening yourself up to your partner(s) in all ways possible. It is meant to feel as much of a space as it can. It is meant to be emotional, mindful and physical. It is a deepening of communication, and a marvel of a sexual experience. Go have fun!